No Time to Die (due out 2 April 2020) Remember that one Bond Girl who died from being painted gold, and then that other one was called Pussy. And the others: many, many unmemorable Bond Girls. One of them was Chinese, another was Grace Jones. So the latest Bond girl, Ana de Armas (which, in […]
Read More 29th Nov: Cats director defence and The Invisible WomanSonic the Hedgehog (due out 14 February 2020) How has your slow film-related news week been going? Because, apart from a new trailer for the redesigned Sonic the Hedgehog arriving this week, it’s been slim pickings. So let’s see what I can rustle up and try and make funnies out of. Oh, and fans of […]
Read More 15th Nov: Sonic’s glow up and more dead actors are comingNo Time to Die (due out 3 April 2020) With Spectre, they tried to tie all of the previous Daniel Craig Bond films together, as a result of the manipulations by Bond’s half-brother or mum’s best friend or something – I don’t really remember what happened because it was shit. Anyway, Naomie Harris has explained […]
Read More 10th Oct: Gemini Man faces global limitations and Joker sends everyone locoJoker (due out 4 October 2019) Everyone is so ‘woke’ these days; you can’t even slap on a bit of blackface or go around smacking girls’ arses without repercussions. We need to go back to a time when rich white people could straight up kill poor people and not even go to jail. Another person […]
Read More Oct 4th: A drunk Daniel Craig and how ‘wokeness’ made JokerJoker (due out 4 October 2019) This week we got our second, and much more illuminating trailer for Warner Bros. gritty Joker origins tale, and director Todd Phillips has explained this week that he had to pester WB for a year to be able to make the R-rated version: “It was a year-long process from […]
Read More Aug 30th: Warner Bros’ brave Joker decision and Elsa looks for love (and fails)Bond 25 (due out 3 April 2020) The doomed new Bond movie productions has seen its fair share of thrills and spills – I’d say that the man setting up a hidden camera in the women’s toilets, for obvious reasons, is a ‘thrill’ rather than a ‘spill’. Those risqué thrills continued when a man, a […]
Read More Aug 9th: It 2’s digital castration and a second Bond voyeurCats (due out 20 December 2019) Earlier in the week we got that making-of video about how Cats will be ground-breaking and astonishing. And then we got the trailer. Of course the internet reacted how it should do when confronted with a musical genetic abomination. I could screengrab a load of reaction Tweets, but instead, […]
Read More Jul 19th: The Cats trailer is terrifyingThe Little Mermaid (due out TBC 2020) It’s been a hell of a week with Disney’s live-action The Little Mermaid remake. Halle Bailey, one half of R&B duo Chloe x Halle (with her sister Chloe), has been cast as Ariel, as confirmed by director Rob Marshall (Mary Poppins Returns), who released this statement: “After an […]
Read More July 5th: Tarantino eyes the exit and fans’ Ursula furyBond 25 (due out 3 April 2020) While we got a teaser video from Jamaica on the latest Bond movie that screamed: “LOOK, WE’RE DOING FILMING! EVERYTHING IS OK!” we had more wacky news coming out of the incredibly troubled production. Well, not wacky, more an illegal and alarmingly terrible bit of news. It was […]
Read More Jul 28th: Bond’s peeping tom and Space Jam 2’s backlashThe Lion King (due out 19 July 2019) When the trailer was released for the live-action Lion King with a new Scar that no-one wants to sleep with, most fans thought that it looked like a less colourful, less fun version of the much-loved 1994 classic. Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures production chief Sean Bailey […]
Read More April 26th: Will Smith’s ego hits Bad Boys 3 and Star Wars fans get branded “undateble”Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (due out 19 December 2019) So at the end of last week we were treated to the first teaser of the new Star Wars film and the finale in the Skywalker trilogy. But why is it called The Rise of Skywalker? Is it a boner joke? Will J.J. Abrams […]
Read More Apr 19th: Luke Skywalker’s boner and Fantastic Beasts 3’s casting troubleThe Lion King (release date 19 July 2019) We had our first full trailer for Disney’s latest cash grab live-action remake of The Lion King, and after what happened with Thanos and Pennywise, I am remarkably surprised that no-one on the internet has declared that they wanted to bang Scar or adult Simba. If anything, […]
Read More Apr 12th: The Lion King’s unsexy ScarAvengers: Endgame (due out 25 April 2019) With potentially the biggest film of 2019, the 22-film Avengers arc is being capped off by next month’s Endgame, and Marvel fans are more excited that the first time they got to touch a boob. When pressed, one half of Endgame’s directorial brothership, Joe Russo evaded all spoilers, […]
Read More Mar 29th: Very minor new info released for Avengers: Endgame and Star Wars IXStar Wars: Episode IX (due out 20 December 2019) Disney screened their first Star Wars 9 footage for shareholders, and good ol’ Scott Ladewig was able to report back on what he saw. WARNING: NO SPOILERS, OR ANYTHING WORTHWHILE, ARE IN THIS FEEDBACK Suicide Squad 2 (due out 6 August 2021) After it was confirmed […]
Read More Mar 8th: Suicide Squad 2’s new line-up and Star Wars 9 sneak peekStar Wars: Episode IX (due out 20 December 2019) Remember last week that White Men on the Internet barraged the ‘I Want to See’ section of the Captain Marvel page on Rotten Tomatoes about how Brie Larson is a sexist and racist. Hey, I just realised that Brie Larson has been named after cheese. That’s… […]
Read More Mar 1st: Star Wars gets trolled by White Men and The Genie comes out fightingAladdin (due out 24 May 2019) Who wants new images of Naomi Scott as Princess Jasmine as a way to distract you from fearing that Will Smith as The Genie is going to be a total disaster both visually and thematically? Well, as you insisted: Meanwhile, Aladdin himself Mena Massoud explained the biggest differences between […]
Read More Jan 4th: Aladdin’s mansplaining and baseless Star Wars rumours
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