Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
(due out 19 December 2019)
So at the end of last week we were treated to the first teaser of the new Star Wars film and the finale in the Skywalker trilogy.
But why is it called The Rise of Skywalker? Is it a boner joke? Will J.J. Abrams actually tell us rather than giving us a vague answer? No?
“The title feels like it’s the right title for this movie and I know that it’s provocative and asks a bunch of questions, but I think when you see the movie, you’ll see how it’s intended and what it means.
“We wanted to have something that rounds off this current trilogy as well as alluding to Luke’s boner, so I think it does that well.”
Only one of those actually came out of the mouth of J.J. Abrams. I’m sure you’ll know which one it was.
It was the boner one.
Avengers: Endgame
(due out 25 April 2019)
Film spoilers are the worst – The Sixth Sense: Bruce Willis was dead all along. The Usual Suspects: Kevin Spacey was dead all along. Us: Lupita Nyongo was dead all along.
Which is why, after extensive spoiler-filled footage of Avengers: Endgame arrived on the internet this week, the hashtag #DontSpoilTheEndgame has been trending on Twitter and the directors The Russo Brothers have written this open letter:
“To the greatest fans in the world, This is it. This is the end. The end of an unprecedented narrative mosaic spanning eleven years and eleven franchises.
“For all of you who have been on this journey with us since the very beginning, sharing every high and low with your family, your friends, your classmates, your co-workers. Investing so deeply in every character and storyline. Laughing. Cheering. Shedding tears. Giving so freely of your thoughts and emotions in spirited dialogue, theories, fan art, and fan fiction. Please know that the two of us, along with everyone involved in Endgame, have worked tirelessly for the last three years with the sole intention of delivering a surprising and emotionally powerful conclusion to the Infinity Saga.
“Because so many of you have invested your time, your hearts, and your souls into these stories, we’re once again asking for your help.
“When you see Endgame in the coming weeks, please don’t spoil it for others, the same way you wouldn’t want it spoiled for you. Remember, Thanos still demands your silence. As always, good luck and happy viewing. The Russo Brothers. #DontSpoilTheEndgame.”
It would be nice if the internet, in a rare moment of collective kindness, chooses not to spoil Endgame. Unlike the time that they spoiled that in the last Harry Potter film, Harry Potter was dead all along.
John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum
(due out 17 May 2019)
While on the press tour for Hellboy, Ian McShane has been trying to talk about anything but Hellboy, so when quizzed about whether he would like to see John Wick movies to run for another 10 years, McShane responded very positively:
“You never know, Keanu might be running the [Continental] hotel and everything by then.
“John Wick, the world of John Wick is being explored in the next one. That will be more about the High Table, you find out more about him, his background, whatever.
“Preparing for who knows what the hell will happen next time. It gets bigger. I think you’ll enjoy that too.”
So that’s something that we may be able to look forward to. When the following question was about Hellboy, McShane responded:
“So yeah… I had these really nice eggs for breakfast, really lovely eggs. And toast too, smothered in butter, not too dry.”
Fantastic Beasts 3
(due out TBC)
After the lastFantastic Beasts movieunexpectedly flopped last year, and despite the myriad of issues that the film had: franchise fatigue, Johnny Depp, a limp plot, unnecessary plot twists, Johnny Depp, too much foundation-laying for future instalments amongst other things, Warner Bros. have put the blame solely at one factor for the misfire – Johnny Depp.
A WB exec spoke to The Post to explain that the top bosses are ‘freaking out’ about how Depp’s ongoing legal issues continue to affect the series:
“Executives at Warner Bros. are wondering how to deal with the backlash of the Depp matter on the Harry Potter franchise.
“High-level female execs at the studio are extremely worried about working with Depp and the message it sends to the public, especially after the recent sordid departure of CEO Kevin Tsujihara.
“This is yet another blow to the morale of female employees at the studio. If Warner Bros. continues to stick by Depp, it would reveal a lot about the values the company holds.”
Go for a full recast – they did a recast when Richard Harris, Dumbledore in the first two Harry Potter films, inconveniently died.
Before his death, Harris insisted that Dumbledore not be recast, but as soon as he was in the ground, they f*cked him off and brought in Michael Gambon.
If Warner Bros. have no qualms about disrespecting the dying wish of a famed thespian, then they shouldn’t have too much issues about replacing Depp.
It probably can’t get any worse for Johnny Depp… or can it?
Yes it can.
The Invisible Man
(due out TBC)
After Tom Cruise had The Mummy rewritten to give him more screen time than The Mummy in The Mummy, Universal’s Dark Universe has been slowly slumping into obscurity… until now! Possibly.
That’s because Universal have kickstarted production of The Invisible Man, which had Johnny Depp in the lead, by recasting the lead role with Elizabeth Moss.
Elizabeth Moss, who starred as ‘Offred’ in The Handmaid’s Tale and in Us as ‘That Woman With The Really Small Teeth, Whose Teeth I Couldn’t Stop Looking At Whenever She was Onscreen’, has officially been confirmed to take on the role.
Now, I hope you all realise the issues with casting Elizabeth Moss as The Invisible Man? Yep, it’s that she has really small teeth.
Unnecessary Film Clarification of the Week
This Week’s Unexpected Movie Cross Promotion
Singapore Cinema Boss: There are two films coming out with Pet(s) in the title, lets bundle them together in a cinema stand
Singapore Cinema Employee: I mean, they’re pretty differen…
Singapore Cinema Boss: Do it! I am 100% sure this will not go wrong!
Trailer of the Week
This week’s teasers included new ones from Playmobil: The Movie, The Queen’s Corgi and that Star Wars one.
But the top trailer of the week is X-Men: Dark Phoenix, which no-one will watch, so at least we can all enjoy this trailer.
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