Dec 14th: Spider-Man’s sh*t stealth and Sonic goes full furry

Godzilla: King of the Monsters
(due out 31 May 2019)

We got another trailer for the new Godzilla movie, I’m about to watch it, and expect it had fleeting glimpses of Godzilla and people looking pensive.

…

Alright, I’ve just watched it, and I was right, fleeting glimpses: tick. Pensive people: tick. But also, fleeting glimpses of King Ghidora and Mothra. It has exceeded my expectations.

Meanwhile that all happened, G:KOTM’s director Michael Dougherty has explained that we’re going to see soooo much Godzilla in the sequel. If anything, we’re going to be sick of Godzilla by the time the film has finished.

“We have a lotof monsters. I think Gareth [Edwards] had a lot of fun playing cat-and-mouseand I love the slow-build he created.

“But we definitelytake the gloves off for this film. No holding back.”

Spider-Man: Far From Home
(due out 5 July 2019)

We didn’t get that trailer that we were promised, but instead we got something even much worse – a first image of the Stealth Spidey Suit:

Not sure how leaving fingerprints everywhere is good stealth, but that’s why I’m not earning the Hollywood big bucks.

We also got the synopsis for the film, which is even better than the trailer, because it’ll give us the plot instead of cool visuals and anticipation-building moments:

“Peter Parker andhis friends go on summer holidays to Europe. However, the friends will hardlybe able to rest – Peter will have to agree to help Nick Fury uncover themystery of creatures that cause natural disasters and destruction throughoutthe continent.”

Oh right, so it won’t give us too much plot then.

Sonic the Hedgehog
(due out 26 December 2019)

Hey, did you know that a Sonic the Hedgehog film is in production. Nah, me neither.

But I’m guessing they’re pretty far along with it, because producer Tim Miller has explained how they went about converting thefamous cartoon hedgehog to fit the real world around him:

“That was always Stage1 of adapting it to what the real world is and what a real animal would be like.

“It would be weird and it would feel like he was running around nude if he was some sort of otter-like thing. It was always, for us, fur, and we never considered anything different. It’s part of what integrates him into the real world and makes him a real creature.”

So we’ve been given a motion poster teasing the rushing rodent:

Nah, the arms and legs are too long – it looks like a Sonic/human genetic mix-up, or some sort of erotic furry fanart.

Something like this:

I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me.

Solo: A Star Wars Story

This year, after much faffing, Solo: A Star Wars Story happened, and it was a bit of a disaster – taking the most-loved character from one of the world’s most-popular franchise and making a bad film that no-one liked or wanted to see.

Anyway, the debacle that was Solo has long passed us by, and we can go on with our lives with only horrible memories of what happened.

…Oh wait no, the saga continues.

Variety has reported that the score for Solo: A Star Wars Story has been disqualified from the Oscar’s Best Original Score category because somebody forgot to enter it before the deadline.

It’s a smart plan:

Fantastic Beasts: The third one in this franchise
(due out 20 November 2020)

After The Crimes of Grindelwald failed to live up to the lofty expectations set by the first instalment in the HarryPotter spin-off, there of course will still be a third film in the franchise, and of course a fourth, fifth and sixth instalment.

When a fan Tweeted JK Rowling about what is in store for the next entry:

Which three words did she pick?

Nah, she went for a more mysterious, more positive response than those:

Less fun though.

Newspaper Typo of the Week

This will never not be funny.

Trailer of the Week

At the end of last week we had the record-breakingtrailer for Avengers: Endgame, and this week we’ve also seen the aforementioned Godzilla: King of the Monsters, James Gunn’s superhero-horror Brightburn, Shaun the Sheep Movie: Farmageddon plus another one from Captive State.

Pick of the week, however, is Playmobil: The Movie. Haven’t watched it, but we all knew that, as kids, Playmobil was better than LEGO – called it.