Venom: Let There Be Carnage
(due out Sept or Oct 2021 (they’ve not decided)
Sony is planning to build it’s own MCU-style Spider-Man cinematic universe; they have their Marvel joint venture Spider-Man: Far From Home coming out later this year alongside the Venom sequel, plus Morbius, which everyone has forgotten/is trying to forget.
While promoting the Venom sequel, Tom Hardy has explained to Esquire, in his most grown-up language, that it would be great for a crossover with Venom and Spidey:
“I would be remiss if I wasn’t trying to steer any kind of connectivity.
“Obviously, that’s a large canyon to leap, to be bridged by one person alone, and it would take a much higher level of diplomacy and intelligence, sitting down and talking, to take on an arena such as that.
“I hope and strongly, with both hands, push, eagerly, towards that potential, and would do anything to make that happen, within what’s right in business.
Why does this sound like Tom Hardy is in a job interview and only 70% sure that he’s using the correct word: “My biggest weakness? Well I sometimes set standards that are too high for myself, and also I can be quite… fettuccini.
Dune
(due out 22 October 2021)
Nomadland and Eternals director Chloé Zhao was given a sneak peek at the new Dune film, and SHE IS TERRIFIED!
Why Chloé Zhao? Is it because of the sandworms? Sure, they’re pretty big, but they’re not real:
“It gives me hope that a filmmaker like Denis is able to really harness his vision and put together something that’s so incredible, so cinematic.
“But I’m terrified about how many people are or aren’t going to have that experience like I did, in a theatre, and what that means for the future.”
Oh right yeah, cinemas are great – we all have to keep repeating that.
Jackass Forever
(due out 22 October 2021)
Who is suing? Bam Margera
Why? Because was “coerced” into signing a contract that he wouldn’t do drugs while shooting the new Jackass film, then got sacked when he did drugs while shooting the new Jackass film.
Bam Margera has filed a lawsuit that (according to Variety) “likens Margera’s treatment to Britney Spears’ conservatorship case, alleging that he has been victimized as a result of his mental health issues.”
In short, Margera claims that while in rehab, Johnny Knoxville, director Jeffrey Tremaine, and franchise producer Spike Jonze “accosted him and coerced” him into signing a ‘wellness agreement’ before he was allowed to feature in Jackass Forever. He was then fired after testing positive for Adderall, despite having an Adderall prescription for 10 years.
I’m familiar with the perils of addiction – I’ll never forget that summer when I probably spent over £200 on Nutella and put on three stones – but if you need to be “accosted and coerced” agreeing not to do drugs in order to earn big money starring in a multi-million dollar movie, then probably, y’know, take it easy on the drugs.
Sonic The Hedgehog 2
(due out 8 April 2022)
Idris Elba has announced who’ll be voicing Knuckles the echidna in the Sonic sequel.
Oh, it’s himself, that makes much more sense.
And what’s the only thing that people know about echidnas? Yes, they have a four-headed penis.
Weird. Looks like a child’s fingerless glove.
Bohemian Rhapsody 2?
Flush from the success of the Queen biopic, Brian May has discussed the prospects of a Bohemian Rhapsody sequel, and also made a frankly ridiculous claim about the first film’s success:
“We have been looking at ideas. It’s going to be hard to follow that one as none of us could have predicted how massive that was going to be.
“We put a lot of heart and soul into making it and no one could have predicted [its success] as it was bigger than Gone With The Wind.
Gone with the Wind made around $390m at the box office, Bohemian Rhapsody made $904m at the box office – of this there is no denying.
Well played Brian May, purposefully ignoring the fact that Gone with the Wind was released in 1939, when you could by a house for $100 and a big grin.
Trailer of the Week
Here are your sneak peeks from this week:
- Michael B. Jordan stars in potential Oscar-bait A Journal For Jordan about a soldier deployed to Iraq who keeps a journal for his infant son
- In action thriller Copshop, a con artist (Frank Grillo) gets himself arrested to hide out from a lethal hitman (Gerard Butler)
- Nicolas Cage is at it again, this time he’s fighting ninjas in Prisoners of the Ghostland
- Netflix drama Worth tells the true story of an attorney battling bureaucracy to compensate the victims of 9/11
- Thriller Collection sees a debt collector find out that his new girlfriend is his firm’s next target
- In western Catch the Bullet, a U.S. Marshal returns home to find his father shot and his son kidnapped by outlaws
- Survivors from Sydney fight in a desperate war against aliens in generic action sci-fi bullshit Occupation: Rainfall
This week’s pick is C.I. Ape: “When a criminal plot is discovered, the C.I.A. turns to him, their most unique operative to foil the plot from the inside.” It’s a Chimpanzee, a monkey is a C.I.A. agent. Because kids are stupid.
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