Nov 22nd: More horrifying Cats and Charlie’s Angels failure excuses

No Time to Die (due out 2 April 2020) Short of wearing his skin as a Morphsuit, Bond’s vegetably-named producer Barbara Broccoli’s obsession with Daniel Craig is fairly prominent and she is unwilling to let go of him. It’s a bit like that time when your first girl/boyfriend broke up with you because you were […]

Sept 27th: Joker goes on the assault (rifle) and Jurassic World gets the band back together

Joker (due out 4 October 2019) Rumours and conjecture has been swirling around the release of Joker since early press screenings speculated that it could encourage violence from incels. Joaquin Phoenix flounced out of an interview with The Telegraph when asked whether Joker “might perversely end up inspiring exactly the kind of people it’s about, […]

Aug 9th: It 2’s digital castration and a second Bond voyeur

Bond 25 (due out 3 April 2020) The doomed new Bond movie productions has seen its fair share of thrills and spills – I’d say that the man setting up a hidden camera in the women’s toilets, for obvious reasons, is a ‘thrill’ rather than a ‘spill’. Those risqué thrills continued when a man, a […]

Apr 12th: The Lion King’s unsexy Scar

The Lion King (release date 19 July 2019) We had our first full trailer for Disney’s latest cash grab live-action remake of The Lion King, and after what happened with Thanos and Pennywise, I am remarkably surprised that no-one on the internet has declared that they wanted to bang Scar or adult Simba. If anything, […]

Feb 8th: The Rock’s Zuckerberg SmackDown and a groundbreaking week for racism

Fast & Furious: Hobbs & Shaw (due out 2 August 2019) We got our first look at the divisive Fast & Furious spin-off last week. Idris Elba is now a robotically-enhanced villain, proving that they’ve just thrown off the shackles of any real-world pretence among the madness and are just going balls deep into ridiculousness. […]

This Week: Bond’s director dilemma,Liam Neeson’s latest Taken and Johnny Depp’s latest troubles

Bond 25 (due out 25 October 2019 – subject to change) The torrid production of the next Bond film has taken another turn as Danny Boyle, director of such masterpieces as Slumdog Millionaire, The Beach and Trainspotting, has left the project with the official James Bond Twitter account announcement: Step 1: Hire a visionary and […]